I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
