we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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