When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize