I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
