She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
