just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize