But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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