Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
