He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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