no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
