He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
