Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
