If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this just has baby written all over it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
