you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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