i was rollin on her like bob the builder
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
