I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
