Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
