it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize