We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I forget how to act sober
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