just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
