Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
