didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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