I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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