Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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