I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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