peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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