It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
