so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
