You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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