I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
