..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it glows. i had to have it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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