the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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