Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize