Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
