I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
