I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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