You're my little dorito
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
