what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
