We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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