cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're too hungover to prance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
