Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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