I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
