i love accidental penises.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
