all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
