I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
