your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize