he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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