Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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