i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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