I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
