Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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