people are starting to question the shark bite story
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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