I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
