I'm gonna have a badass scar
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
