I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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