I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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