so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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