it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
