We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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