your parents love me but you hate me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
