Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
