I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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