If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
