Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
