I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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