I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the day after is always just damage control
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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