New invention idea: vibrating tampons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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