I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
