this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
