Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
