I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize