All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
one might say we're banned from that church
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
