Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
