i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
